


we're like two halves of one heart;

by MistyMoon



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, and scream, i am here to sin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-21
Updated: 2015-12-21
Packaged: 2018-05-08 04:31:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5483513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MistyMoon/pseuds/MistyMoon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You wanted to avoid having to avoid him in the future, so you were avoiding him.<br/>A pretty smart logic.<br/>For you, at least.</p>
            </blockquote>





	we're like two halves of one heart;

**Author's Note:**

  * For [iwaizumihajimie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/iwaizumihajimie/gifts).



> its 8am i spent like 7 hours writing this i havent slept since and i am suffering  
> someone save me from hell

His head fit perfectly against your shoulder, and you didn't want to move in case it made him go away.  
You were just watching a movie, when he fell asleep in the middle of it, and you ended up in this position. Moments like these, with him this close to you, were rare.  
You didn't want to end it so soon.  
He was just an art major that you bonded with because he was your roommate. It was nothing like love at first sight; he was a stranger that became a friend rather quickly, but you never thought it would go further than that.  
It did.  
It did and there was no denying you fell for him and possibly broke every single bone in your face when you hit the floor, because you fell _hard_.  
-  
It started when you helped him get through a breakdown.  
Not the most appropriate way to start falling for your friend, but it couldn't be avoided (not by you, at least).  
You went out to spend some time with a couple of friends, and when you asked him if he wanted to come, he said he was too busy studying for his finals. He didn't look stressed; in fact, you thought he was just casually revising the subject before the test.  
When you came back, you realized you were wrong, _very_ wrong.  
The room was a mess; there were papers on both your beds, on the table, almost covering the entire floor, _everywhere_. His books were open around him, but he wasn't looking at any of them.  
He was covering his face with his hands, and you could hear him sobbing through them. You knelt in front of him and took his wrists in your hands and slowly pulled them away from his face. His eyes were extremely red and puffy, like he'd been crying for a long time.   
"Hey, hey," you started, careful not to speak too loudly and startle him. "what happened? Are you alright?"  
He stopped crying and looked at you, and he looked so wrecked, you regretted asking that last question, because he was clearly not alright.  
"I can't understand this fucking thing and I just," he sounded like he was going to start crying again. "I could understand it just fine, but now I can't and I don't wanna get a bad grade, I don't, I really don't, and the test is tomorrow and I need to understand, I can't not understand, I can't."  
"You're not gonna get a bad grade, alright? It's probably just stress. You can always look at it in the morning Bokuto, most people study for their finals minutes before they take it, alright? You're gonna do just fine, there's no problem in studying more tomorrow." you hoped that sounded reassuring, because this was something new for you, and you were afraid you were just going to make things worse.  
He rested his head on your chest and started to cry again. You wrapped your arms around him and held him tight.  
"I'm afraid." he murmured against your chest.  
"I know." and you did, because your fear-filled mind won't let you sleep or eat or live unless you're studying. It's stressing.  
You kept holding him until all you could hear was his breathing and you couldn't feel his heart threatening to jump out of his chest.  
One of your hands was on his hair, caressing the gel-filled mess that it was. The amount of gel he probably put there was ridiculous.  
"Sorry for this, I'm just really stressed." he sounded genuinely sorry, and you wanted to hug him even tighter.    
"It's fine. I've got you, alright? Whenever you need me." and it was true. You'd always be there for him, no matter what. You cared about him and you hoped you'd never need to see him like that again. He didn't deserve any of that.  
You wish you could hold him like that forever, if you were going to be honest. He felt so warm and his hair smelled like really crappy gel, but it was still nice, and it all felt perfect.  
And then, the universe decided to make your wish come true by making him fall asleep. While you were holding him. He was even snoring.  
You tried to leave your current position and leave him sleeping on the floor, but his weight wouldn't let you leave without waking him up, which was something you did not want to do.  
You laid down on the floor, accepting your defeat, and letting him sleep on top of you. From what you could see, he looked calm and not stressed over finals, and it felt like he needed to sleep, even if for a couple of minutes.  
And he looked beautiful, and you didn't want to ruin that. He didn't look like the loud roommate he was when he was awake. He was just the attractive friend that you really, really liked.  
Just a guy that made you feel warm inside when he smiled and laughed and looked at you with his golden eyes that could make your brain melt.  
That's all.  
Oh wait.  
Oh no.  
 _Oh no_.  
You _liked_ him.  
This was going to end so badly.  
-  
It all got weird since that night.  
You couldn't look at him without remembering why you couldn't stop looking back. You couldn't hear him laugh, otherwise you'd have to deal with the butterflies in your stomach and try to digest them (though that never worked, they just keep coming back dammit).  
You started spending less time with him. It wasn't his fault; it was for your own safety. You didn't want to put yourself in danger and fall in love with him, and then be rejected and never be able to look him in the eye without wanting to scream or punch something.  
You wanted to avoid having to avoid him in the future, so you were avoiding him.  
A pretty smart logic.  
For you, at least.  
He didn't say anything about, at first. You passed it off as having to study and having too much homework, and he believed it. It worked for you, so you kept using that excuse to escape any type of event where you'd have to spend a large amount of time with him. Of course, you still went out on Fridays to eat and watched silly movies after, but that was only because you didn't want him to feel like you were fully ignoring him. Even if you were trying to protect yourself from ending up with a broken heart (which isn't even certain that he'd break your heart, but that's what your mind believed), you still cared about him and didn't want to hurt him.  
You looked like a terrible friend, but it was a defense mechanism you had, and it was working, so you didn't see why not use it.  
-  
It stopped working after your finals were over.  
You had no excuses to avoid seeing him, and even though you really missed him and wanted to spend three days straight with him, you were so scared of what would happen if you did. You were so scared of falling in love and then having to fall out of it, because he might not like you (hell, he might not even like guys) and then you'd never be able to be friends with him like you were before and you're just so terrified, you can't bring yourself to do it. It frightens you to the bone.  
So, you did what any smart person would do; you ran away from him. Literally.  
You'd spend only the necessary amount of time in your dorm, and you'd also eat outside and study outside and do everything in a place where you knew the chances of you seeing him were low (see: outside). You always went to sleep when he was already sleeping and, in the morning, left the dorm before he did.  
It was ridiculous, and you knew that, but when have your plans ever failed? (you can remember at least five times where they went terribly wrong, but you don't talk about those).  
But, no matter where you were, you kept thinking about him and his warm eyes and his bright smile and his crappy gel and hairstyle (honestly, what the fuck was that even) and his arms (how can someone be _that_ strong, holy shit) and his _hands_ , his visibly calloused hands that would probably feel great against yours and you wanted to hold it forever, but you couldn't, because you were spending your life running away from him and not holding his hand.  
You felt like you were offending yourself, honestly.  
And then, it hit you that it was too late to run away.  
You were already in the danger zone.  
You were in love with him.  
You were in love with your roommate, Bokuto Koutarou.  
Oh God.  
(at least you don't have a reason to run away from him anymore and you can finally (maybe) hold his stupid hand).  
-  
You were back at the dorm and you felt like your heart was going to jump from your chest at any second.  
This was terrifying.  
Maybe you wouldn't even get to see him.  
Maybe you could just wait in your room and think about the infinite ways everything could go wrong while he isn't in the dorm.  
Or maybe you'll walk in the room and he'll be sitting on his bed, doing his homework.  
Which was exactly what happened and you were pretty sure you almost screamed when you opened the door.  
He was reading one of his books, clearly focused, so you walked in silently and put all of your stuff down on the floor and sat down on the bed.  
It was only a matter of seconds before he spoke.  
"What have you been doing this whole week? I barely saw you."  
"Oh, I was, uhm, busy." oh yes that's a great answer, good job Kuroo "With, uhm, some stuff." oh my god, this has to be the worst moment of your life.  
"Why didn't you answer any of my texts?" he had texted you, holy shit, why did you even turn your phone off, what was the _point_ , holy shit.  
"My phone was off. As I said, I was busy."  
"With stuff."  
"With stuff, yeah." why did you come back again, because you seem to have forgotten the reason why you thought this would be a good idea.  
He fell silent after that and went back to reading his book. You picked up your phone and started to go through your messages.  
It was painful, to say the least.  
The oldest messages were about him wanting to hang out with you. The others were about him missing you and being worried and asking if you were alright. The last one killed you.  
  
From: Bokuto  
To: Kuroo  
im sorry if i did anything to upset u and to make u not want to talk to me i rlly am  
  
You wanted to punch yourself in the face, you wanted to hit yourself so badly you would start bleeding.  
"Hey, Bokuto," this was not going to go well this was not going to go well "do you wanna go out and do something? Like, watch a movie or something?"  
"I can't right now. I'm busy."  
"Busy with what?"  
"With stuff." and the award for worst and most asshole friend goes to Kuroo Tetsurou, congratulations.  
You can't believe he actually said that, how much of an asshole were you to him, really?  
"Okay, listen, I'm sorry I basically ignored you this past week. I was just having a rough time."  
"It's okay"  
"I know it's not okay and I'm sorry I kept pushing you away when I shouldn't have, I really am."  
"I said it was okay, Kuroo."  
"I can clearly see it isn't okay and I just-"  
"I said it was okay." he interrupted, his voice rather loud and filled with anger. He wasn't screaming, but it seemed like he wanted to.  
You fucked up so badly.  
You got up from your bed and stood up right in front of him.  
"I said I was sorry, what more do you want from me?" you were starting to get angry too and there was no way this could end well.  
"For you to stop acting like it's my fault? Because you've been ignoring me for almost a month and now that you see I'm angry, you decide to apologize. It's too late for that, don't you think?" he was almost screaming now, and you don't know if you want to punch him or run away and never look him in the eye again.  
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry I was a shitty friend, I'm sorry I ignored you, I'm sorry I never answered your texts, I'm sorry I made you think it was your fault, because it isn't, it isn't, it's all my fault and I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Koutarou." his name slipped from your tongue, but there was no way you could take it back now. He was probably going to get more angry, dammit Kuroo.  
"What kind of 'stuff' were you busy doing that made you too busy to talk to me?"  
"What?"  
"What were you doing while you were 'totally not avoiding me'?" oh no. You were going to either have to think of a really good lie or tell him the truth. You didn't know which one was worse.  
Probably the truth.  
He's already mad, he can't get madder, can he?  
Well, if he can, he probably will now.  
"I wasn't actually doing anything, I was just," come on Kuroo, think, that's all you have left to do, just think. "thinking about some things I needed to think about. It's complicated." good fucking job, you're ruining this friendship a little bit more every time you open your mouth.  
"You needed to think. Couldn't you have done that here?"  
"No, I couldn't. Listen, it's complicated, I just-"  
"Why couldn't you? Because you told me you weren't avoiding me because of me specifically, but it sure as hell sounds like that was exactly what you were doing." oh no. You needed a really, really good lie right now if you wanted to not tell him the truth.  
Why didn't you think of lies you could have to use before you came inside?  
"It's not you, it's me, I was just scared. I was terrified. Frightened. Fuck, I was everything fear related and I needed some time to just calm down because I don't think I've ever been so scared in my entire life." you were going to tell him the truth, you could feel it.   
You made a mental note to remember that, if he stopped talking to you, it was going to be all your fault.  
"Scared? Of what?" why did he have to ask that, why?  
"Of fucking up and ruining this thing we have. Our friendship. Us." you were just babbling at this point, and you were already fucking up everything, why not fuck up a bit more and just tell him, why not?  
"What?" he looked absolutely confused "What are you talking about, Kuroo?"  
Just do it. You can't turn back now and tell him a lie that he probably won't believe and will just make him trust you less. Just tell him the truth, there's no point in hiding it now.  
"I-" you felt like your heart was going to stop beating, you felt like you were shaking so hard, you would fall at any moment. This was all really overwhelming. "I think I’m in love with you and I’m terrified."  
You said, you actually said it. You don't think your heart can beat any faster than it is right now.  
"You what?" it was impossible to read his face. You couldn't tell if he would turn you down or not. It was distressing.  
"That's why I've been avoiding you. I thought if I stopped hanging out with you as much as I used to, maybe I wouldn't get any feelings for you, but it didn't work."  
"That was really stupid."  
"Yeah, I'm aware of that now." you chuckled, and you could feel the tension in the air going away. Hopefully it wouldn't come back.  
"God, I actually thought you hated me or something. I can't believe this." he was laughing and you felt at ease, as if all your worries were going down the drain.  
It felt so good to be with him like this again.  
Except he hadn't given you a proper answer and then you tensed up again.  
"You could've just told me that from the beginning, you know."   
"I know, I was just so scared, I didn't know how you would react and I didn't know if you'd want to keep talking to me or even see me again and I was just so fucking terrified, I just- What are you doing?" he started to lean closer to you while you talked, and his face was dangerously close to yours. You felt like you were burning inside and outside.  
"Trying to make you stop talking so I can give you a proper answer."  
"A wh-" before you could finish, he leaned a bit closer and connected your lips with his. It was quick and sweet, but it wasn't enough. When he started to pull away, you put your hand on his neck and pulled him closer, and you kissed him properly this time. His lips fit perfectly with yours and his hands were on your back and you never wanted to stop kissing him, even if you ran out of air, you never wanted to stop feeling him like this. It felt like a dream, and you were afraid you'd wake up in your bed at any moment.  
"If I knew you'd react this well, I would've told you sooner." you said, pulling away for a moment.  
"Oh, I have no doubts about that, trust me." then, he smirked before continuing. "I know, I'm just irresistible."  
"I'm gonna punch you."  
"With your lips, you mean."  
"God, I hate you."  
"You literally just told me you loved me." he had a death wish, that was the only possible explanation.  
You wanted to scream.  
He's a _really_ good kisser, at least.


End file.
